social | swirlygirl*

Mention ‘British culture’ and what materializes in your mind? Fish n chips. Pub grub. Cider. Beer. Bald men, yellow teeth, flabby guts. Basically, any food that is heavily salted and dripping with grease and vinegar, and an ice-cold pint on the side to wash it down with.

Drinking has become so intrinsic to our lifestyle that it’s considered a pastime. What do you do after work? Go for drinks. Get home? Pour a glass (or two) of wine. Saturday night? Go to the club and spend an extortionate amount on shots and cocktails.

It’s ubiquitous. Billboards display happy people in their mid-30s clasping a dewy bottle of Stella to their chests. Overly good-looking celebrities endorse any spirit, beer or wine on our TV screens. Hell, even fast food chains cash in on the sweeping epidemic – Mc Deez and a pint. Sounds pretty good doesn’t it?

We just can’t seem to go without it. It’s impossible to even fathom cutting the booze out for a weekend. What would a weekend be without your Friday Night Slash. And T-Totalers? Don’t even get us started.

The routine is the same, day in and day out. Your head gripped by a vice, throat as dry as sandpaper and you’re ‘dying’ in bed. The declaration ‘I’m never drinking again’ meekly tumbles out of your mouth onto the greyed 3AM doner kebab.

Stomach is churning the poison, waves of nausea causing you to cinch your eyes as you brace yourself. You’ve done this a thousand times before. Just pull the blinds, fester in the dark and spend the rest of the summer’s day nursing your hangover.

It’s all too frequent; a weekly ritual since 16. Back then you could hold your hangovers; they were merely a fleeting thought, gone by the time you had inhaled your fry up.

Now they are all-encompassing, nauseating, excruciating. So, I, like many others who have grown tired of the throbbing headaches and roiling hangover anxiety, have decided to leave the drinking to everyone (anyone!) else.

As someone who has social anxiety, the thought was pure fantasy. Any plans made with 4 or more people, particularly new faces, caused a jerk of the stomach and a quick dash to the local offy. A four-pack always seemed the best option, a socially acceptable amount.

The thought of ditching a much-needed crutch seemed overwhelming. What would you do though? Just wallow in silence as everyone else spoke of beautiful, intelligent things, eloquent words charged with an undying passion.

It was time to put it to the test, there’s only been 2 so far.

1) Skate competition – in a small town where I only knew a handful of people. This was the first test and I thought it would go much worse than it really did (we’ve all heard that before).

I only knew my boyfriend, although I had met several of his friends a couple of times prior. I thought I’d be anchored to him the whole time but Sisterhood cast its spell, drawing me to a girl-reserved slot with the sistas.

The strange thing is, being sober in a bustling environment, was actually pretty intoxicating. An electric ‘whatever, fuck it’ zipped through my body and the feeling was so great. It was a buzz, putting the flurry of negative thoughts at ease, softening the awkward rigidness you often feel in a large circle.

However, there were still moments when a feeling of ‘misplacedness’ came about. When standing around waiting, I felt a bit self-conscious and my mind began spitting pointless thoughts: ‘Am I standing too awkwardly? Is anyone watching? Are we too far apart?’ You know the ones!

But all-in-all, it was a refreshing experience and felt it was a great start. As soon as I type it, I wish I didn’t, but it really isn’t as bad as you think it’s going to be. I know, I know, you read these articles, websites, anything, about social angst about how you can attend get-togethers and not get completely sloshed and enjoy them, as you sit behind the screen and roll your eyes at the apparent lies

The thing is, you actually can. It is humanly possible.

It made me realize, too, that when I would usually drink my way through a sackful of tins, I was probably just as quiet. My fuzzy mind would often wander about pointless things I probably would never have sober – comparing myself to other girls, things that I failed in the past, a lot of negative things.

2) Hanging out with a couple people
You start hanging out at a field but, like moths to a flame, usually descend to the pub for a few bevvies. Double gin & tonic, check. Thatchers, check. Uhhh… water and ice?

It does seem ridiculous how an orange juice (not bout that fizzy drink life) can be only a little cheaper than a pint. It’s a trick, it makes you think, yeah fuck it, go with a pint. But this time, we can’t.

You always feel like a slowly-recovering-alcoholic going for tap water. But it’s alright; the self-awareness dissipates as soon as you reach the safety of your table. Conversation was more-or-less the same as if you were having a beer (shock, horror!). It’s so ridiculous writing this, the fact that I, and I’m sure many others, actually have to think these things. It’s so exhausting!

You just need to accept that it’s alright not to be talking all the time. It’s natural for people to sit back and not respond with a charged soliloquy. A lot of the time, people like to just talk and talk so as long as you’re there to listen and show you’re listening – it’s all good.

You also find when you’re not drinking that you indulge in other little things. Go for an ice-cream, sweets, and milkshakes. Not only are you not breaking the bank but you feel like the day is longer (in a good way!). A lucid Saturday and survived to tell the tale – who’d have thought?

Just remember
The most important thing is to take it slow. Okay, you may not be confidently spurting anecdotes to a group on the first, second or third time, but you will build that confidence and slowly chisel away at your inhibitions.

We have seen a slew of research about the dichotomous INTROVERT versus EXTROVERT, so much so that it’s pretty ridiculous. It’s taken 23 years (or maybe since the social filter gestated, 7) for me to realize that you’re not a freak for not having an army of friends.

It is okay to not burst into wild conversations, gesticulating everywhere, captivating the audience. It’s okay to be a listener and keep to smaller groups. It’s okay to not always be frantically tapping away at your phone, adding to a collection of group conversations.

It doesn’t make you an unlikeable person; you just don’t need the extra interacting. You’re fine, you’re all good. Just do whatever makes you comfortable. Life’s too short to always be on the edge, and once you accept this: the weight just falls from your chest.

It’s just so important not to berate yourself, even though it’s so difficult not to cringe when remembering some awkward things you may have (or not) said. Let them pass, don’t be hard on yourself. It’s funny how everyone has their own little insecurities, things that make you think How?? You’re not like that all!

It’s only human.

So have a little go at a lil abstinence! Maybe start small by shedding those beers at the next hang out sesh. See how it goes for you. You’re guaranteed to feel better about yourself.

🙂