It’s always been drilled into us that
men watch porn
women watch porn
and it doesn’t mean anything.
We all have our little kinks. And what’s wrong with it anyway? It doesn’t damage relationships with our lovers, it isn’t because our lovers are any less sexy and it sure-as-hell doesn’t mean that they’re shit in the sack. It’s simply us succumbing to a purely animalistic urge.
OK, cool, I get that. I accept that we’re in a liberated sexual age but still something niggles at me when I find out my S.O enjoys watching it (especially whilst cohabiting). “It” being porn, aka the most impersonal act expressed through fictional people. After all, they’re just naked actors.
But, for me, cam-girls seem more threatening. My boyfriend, before we started dating, said that they were his preferred choice because ‘they seem authentic so it’s hotter.’ A real girl in her bedroom, not supermodel hot and not with a plastic, sculpted body – just a girl-next-door stripping in her room.
So when a couple of cam-girl tabs (or ‘Pussy Cams’) come up on his phone, a small wave of sadness rises within me and my self-esteem plummets. I know confidence/self-esteem is the root of all this because I’m sure most girls turn a blind-eye to something as vapid as their boyfriend’s non-threatening voyeurism.
However, this felt a bit.. shiftier! His reaction definitely made it worse. He shot out his arm so his phone was as far away as possible (from him/me), and he kept repeating incredulously: “Oh my god, when was this? I can’t even remember, what is this!” It felt so false, so tacky that I felt embarassed for him.
The problem with things like this is you can’t get angry. You can’t create a fight over something that is so natural. But it’s just the power of that little sting, the one that stays with you for the rest of the day and has the power to entirely shift your mood. You feel a little ugly, a little out of shape and just want the evening alone.
I suppose it’s just one of those things – what do you guys feel? Has this happened to you?
swirlygirl* 